I'll feed ya to the fucking dog! Daphne Blake: I CAN'T TAKE OFF THIS FIGHTING! Jay: YO! Youse guys need to turn those frowns upside down, and I got just the thing for that. Fred Jones: Let's kick 'em out! We've got a mystery to solve! Shaggy Rogers: The only mystery here is why we take our cues from a dick in the neckerchief! Fred Jones: Keep it up, beatnik. But I wish they were hitchhiking girls, sexy hitchhiking girls. Velma Dinkley: GHOULS, you fucking moron, not girls. Daphne Blake: And I don't think that they're hitchhiking girls either. Pull off their masks and let's see who they really are! Velma Dinkley: I don't think they are masks. Fred Jones: Now we can finally solve the mystery of the hitchhiking ghouls. So it occurs to me that people bad-mouthing you on some website, IS NONE OF MY FUCKING CONCERN! Silent Bob: Oh, but I think it is.Ĭustomer: Are you even supposed to be here today? Dante: Don't get me started. But Miramax, you know, Miramax Films, paid me a shitload of money for Bluntman & Chronic. Banky: You know what? I feel for you boys, I really do. Fuckin' we stole a monkey, we got shot at, and I got punched in the motherfucking nuts by a guy named Cock-Knocker. Stopping the flick isn't gonna stop that! Banky: Holy shit, what the fuck are you guys doing here?īanky: Stop the movie? Are you crazy? Jay: All these assholes on the Internet are calling us names because of this fucking stupid movie. Van Der Beek, I just wanted to say hi, I'm Banky- Jay: Banky fucking Edwards! Just the motherfucker we came to see. Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel? Here's the pulse, alright, and here's your finger far from the pulse jammed straight up your ass.It is a comic book, not your dick! Show some respect.

It's nights like this, when I miss dating a lesbian.A Jay and Silent Bob movie? Who would pay to see that?.He's crying out 'When, Lord? When the fuck can your servant ditch this foulmouthed little chucklehead, to whom I am a constant victim of his folly, so much so that it prevents him from ever getting to kiss a girl! Fuck! When, Lord? When? When's gonna be my time?' I look into his sorry doe eyes and I just, I see a man crying out. Don't you ever want anything more for yourself? I know this poor hapless son of a bitch does. Why in God's name would I wanna keep writing about characters whose central preoccupations are weed and dick and fart jokes? I mean, ya gotta grow, man.Ergo, you find yourself in a very actionable position.

you are in breach of the original contract. When said property was optioned by Miramax Films, you were legally obliged to secure our permission to transfer the concept to another medium. We had a deal with you on the comics, remember, for likeness rights? And as we're not only the artistic basis, but also the character basis for your intellectual property, Bluntman & Chronic. THE SIGN ON THE BACK OF THE CAR SAID 'Critters of Hollywood'! YOU DUMB FUCK!.(After being told he is wearing pansy red booties) Holy fuck I am wearing pansy red booties! Why the fuck didn't you tell me?.commander! When it comes down to business, this is what I do. Not this little fuck, none of you little fucks out there.

Whenever you see C.L.I.T., you'll see this fucking face.

(On videotape) I am the master of the C.L.I.T.

(While humping Silent Bob) I can't believe I'm gonna get some pussy for stealing the monkey! Stealing the little monkey!.

Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who is making the movie, we're gonna make them eat our shit, then shit out our shit, and then eat their shit that's made up of our shit that we made them eat.

Dear fucks, all you motherfuckers are gonna pay! You are the ones who are the ball-lickers! We're gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little, whiny bitches.

Spread my cheeks so you can see the fucking stink nuggets! What, you don't believe me? Let me show you. I stick those little pieces of paper up my brown eye, and BAM! No shit stains on my undies.

Tickets? Since when did they start charging for the bus? Didn't we used to ride that shit to school every morning for free?.

Oh, and only those as super-smart as me will be left alive to bitterly cry 'You maniacs! Damn yous! Goddamn yous all to hell!' And after the fall of man, these monkey fucks'll start wearing our clothes and rebuilding the world in their image. In this world gone mad, we won't spank the monkey - the monkey will spank us. Roswell style! This little monkey could be the fuckin' damn dirty ape responsible for the fall of the human race. Maybe it's a conspiracy like in The X-Files. What if there's more supermonkeys up at that lab? What if they're creating an army of them? Holy shit.

Holy fuck, is that monkey waving at us? Holy shit, it understood us! Maybe it's some kind of supermonkey.

Jay and silent bob strike back